Saturday, May 28, 2005

first time...

hmmm... how shld i say this?? this post is long overdue le... that's cos the whole thing din seem real enuf 4 mi to add it into this 0cean of memories...

... till now... when the no. of ppl who knows abt it increase... by a little... (n that's enuf for now...)

anyway... here's the thing...

28th april 2005:
syf central judging for guitar... meridian jc got gold for the veri first competition that we took part… every1 of us was proud of such achievement… n that’s y almost all of us wants a copy of the recording of our magnificent performance… as well as the heart n soul of some other schools… n it so happens that jy’s mom was there to record it… hence oni he has it…

that night… I was added into a mass conversation w the guitar ppl by cy… n few guitat ppl added mi on msn… I was kinda quiet there… juz reading wat they were tokin… occasionally adding my words in… then I muz have said sth… cos at 1 pt… jy came n asked if I wan the recordings… ya… of cos… that’s wat I told him… I mean… who doesn’t… rite?? So he start sending mi all the recordings…

while transferring… we started toking… I can’t really rmb the exact topics that we 1st toked abt… but I find that we agree on many things… our views n all that… it is amazing cos I nv had so much in common w any1 b4… not even a gal… n wat’s more… he’s a guy… u c… I dun usually tok a lot to a guy… that’s y everytime I go online… I can tok to him till veri veri late into the night… or shld I say till early next morn… once… we even tokked till 5 in the morn… it broke my record… (even w the 6 mth guy)…

6th may 2005:
8 days have passed aft both of us started toking thru msn… on this day… he chooses to confess that… he likes mi… I was so shocked n utterly speechless… heart was beating so fast… both my hands n feet went cold… my mind was blank as well n I have no idea how to reply him… n the com chooses to hang juz then…I guess u can say it’s a good thing… gives me time to calm myself down n settle my traumatized heart…

I really dunno how to answer him… cos this is the 1st time that I experience this… as in having some1 confess to mi… at that time… all that I feel abt him is that of a good fren… no chemistry… I can’t rmb wat my exact words were… but the main idea here was I din reject when he ask to jio mi… izzit good or bad??

I’m not sure… at first… I tot maybe the feelings will grow… n reaction might juz occur… but nth happened… not oni that… I realize that I m not at all ready for love!! Cos to mi… love is a veri strong feeling that I will not admit to it so easily… so during one of the conversations… I told him that… n it seems that his opinion of love is completely different fr mine… for him… love seems to occur veri quickly n naturally… often as well… that is how the atmosphere of our conversation suddenly change…

Everything became so tense… n with a few words n saying that he gotta go… he left. Juz like that… I mean… that’s not the whole pt of the conversation… I was there… half aslp… typing whatever that comes to my mind… or maybe that’s juz my inner tots?? I dunno… all I noe is that I’ve definitely hurt him w wat I’ve said… that’s not my purpose… I certainly dun 1 that to happen… that is y… I tink a letter is absolutely necessary to explain myself… so… I immediately start writing 1 loh… quite long actually… juz to clear the air…


After giving the letter… I soon got 1 back… the content shall not be disclose… but it’s really touching… so now we r back to frens liao… things r back to norm… kind of… n it’s good enuf liao…

he still likes him... n i con't to feel insecure abt his confession... cos 2 mi... having such feeling for some1 within 8 days is not realli possible... n b4 all this msn msges... we hardly even tok... that's y i'm still insecure n unsafe... but hopefully things will change ba... maybe his actions will indeed speak louder than words n things will change... for the better...

now... as more n more ppl noe of this( sy... c... cy... reb... xw...)... this 'msn qing yuan' becomes more real n i can realli register all these facts... n actually saving it in this 0cean of memories... even though there maybe nth in the end... i still hope to keep it inside as i'm not 1 that often receives such affection... hence... i realli have to tank him... =)

SpilLeD by b|uE at 1:44:00 am

Monday, May 02, 2005

Love at First Sight...

Love at First Sight by Wislawa Szymborska
They're both convinced
that a sudden passion joined them.
Such certainty is beautiful,
but uncertainty is more beautiful still.
Since they'd never met before, they're sure
that there'd been nothing between them.
But what's the word from the streets, staircases, hallways -
perhaps they've passed by each other a million times?
I want to ask them
if they don't remember -
a moment face to face
in some revolving door?
perhaps a "sorry" muttered in a crowd?
a curt "wrong number" caught in the receiver?
but I know the answer.
No, they don't remember.
They'd be amazed to hear
that Chance has been toying with them
now for years.
Not quite ready yet
to become their Destiny,
it pushed them close, drove them apart,
it barred their path,
stifling a laugh,
and then leaped aside.
There were signs and signals,
even if they couldn't read them yet.
Perhaps three years ago
or just last Tuesday
a certain leaf fluttered
from one shoulder to another?
Something was dropped and then picked up.
Who knows, maybe the ball that vanished
into childhood's thicket?
There were doorknobs and doorbells
where one touch had covered another
beforehand.
Suitcases checked and standing side by side.
One night, perhaps, the same dream,
grown hazy by morning.
Every beginning
is only a sequel, after all,
and the book of events
is always open halfway through.

SpilLeD by b|uE at 12:26:00 pm

一见钟情...

辛波丝卡 《一见钟情》
他们彼此都深信，
是瞬间迸发的热情让他们相遇。
这样的确定是美丽的，
但变幻无常更为美丽。
他们认为既然素不相识，
他们之间过去就不会有什么瓜葛。
也许在街道、楼梯和过道上，
他们可能早就曾擦身而过。
我真想问问他们，
是否记得——
也许在旋转门里他们曾碰在一起？
也许太挤了，说过“对不起”！
或者在电话筒里道声“打错了”。
不过我知道他们会回答：
不，不记得有过这样的事情！
他们非常惊异，
已经有相当长的一个时期，
他们遇到的尽是机遇。
他们还没有完全准备好把自己的命运相互交换。
他们时聚时散，
命运常出现在他们的路上，
忍住了对他们的窃笑，
然后又跳开到路旁。
确曾有过标志和记号，
尽管他们并不知晓。
也许是在三年以前，
或者是在上星期二，
有一片树叶从这个人肩上落到另一个人的肩上？
或者是一件丢失而又拾回的东西？
说不定它是灌木丛中童年是玩过的一只皮球？
也许是门把手和铃铛，
他们早先曾经触摸过它们。
也许他们的箱子曾在寄存处放在一起，
也许在同一个晚上，
他们曾做过同样的梦，
惊醒之后便无影无踪。
然 而每一个开端都有它的继续，
而那本记事本永远是半开半合。


SpilLeD by b|uE at 11:24:00 am