Wednesday, October 26, 2005
in total despire...
this is juz to relief my stress... such grief thinkings cannot exist in my ocean... n hence will be deleted once stress is over...
as night falls and darkness creeps... the truth dawns... TIME IS RUNNING OUT... what's more to this?? i'm still lagging behind with concepts to grasp n revisions to do... while i had never fail to fail math until prelims.. i'm still failing chemistry... still trying to search for the survival line for chinese... still trying to see a ray of light in total darkness... my future is bleak... i dun believe in religions... but right now.. i'm waiting for a miracle to appear... or to reappear... having seen it during o's...
they say... u have to work hard for a miracle... n that's wat i did during o's... in a way... i've earned that miracle... now... 2 years later... i'm still working hard for a miracle to appear.. i believed i've worked hard... but have i worked smartly?? i dunno... everyday... i'm like a studying machine... studying for the sake of studying... like a sponge... i'm trying to absorb as much as possible... like a photocopying machine... i'm trying to photocopy all that i've read into my mind... like a corpse... i'm trying to delay the time to enter my coffin for as long as possible.. delay until i cant take it anymore...
will all these pay in the end?? i dunno... will i rmb all that i've copied n absorbed?? i dunno... if u ask mi wat i've leart today... i'll tell u i dunno... as calm as i may look... i'm frantic inside.. who can see that?? not those smart onmes definitely... wld they noe wat izzit like to face so many dunnos?? to face the probablity that there migh tnot be a bright future waiting for them?? i guess they wld not noe.. as smart as they r.. even though they might be weak in certain aspects... their strength in other areas r able to help them survive this crisis of exams... or izzit a 'no-kick' to them?? cos it seems that they r still enjoying life at this critical moment... the usual lifestyle have not given way to studying plans... how r they able to do that??! i'mscreaming inside n i hope to get some answers... can some smart aleck juz pass mi some of ur brain juice?? juz so that i feel better?? juz so that my future will be more secured... juz so that... i can lie to myself for the time being...
they say that success comes w 99% hardwork n 1% luck... how abt natural ability?? izzit part of luck or hardwork?? cos w some in-borne talent... u wld not need 99% of hardwork... mayhap 70% will do...
for the past 1 n a half years.. i've been working hard to improve my chi.. neglecting math n chem... now comes my retribution for not doing well in chi... which i've worked so terribly hard n still gain nuts... n oso.. i'm continuing to fail chemistry.. the subj that i once loved... n now hate...
is there a good enuf future for mi?? will i c miracle that i so yearn to c?? izzit too much to ask for my hardwork to pay off?? wat else shld i do besides working my head n tails off juz to c a ray of light???? so much to do... so little time... what shld i do????????
my future is bleak.. n all i can do is post an entry in my blog... m i hardworking??
SpilLeD by b|uE at 12:16:00 am
